Anna Kendrick is touting the latest installment of Pitch Perfectthe hit movie about a group of women who sing a cappella. That is why he has come out in some media to talk about his new film, his life and love.
In an interview with the magazine Elle she told the story of a love that did not last long for a reason with which many women will feel identified: he did not accept that “no” meant “no”.
There is an anecdote of when he was younger: I was dating a guy. He made me tickle playing, and I said, “I know that is cute and that people do it, but I do not like that make me tickle. Really makes me feel trapped and I feel panic. I know that is stupid and funny to most people, but I hate it, so could you stop doing it?”. He thought it was very silly that he had a problem with the tickling and did it anyway.
Tickling is something harmless, but not to listen when someone says NOT clearly it is not, and that’s why Kendrick made a decision: break the relationship. But things were not so simple, as so many people who leave their partner because their feelings are not taken into account, she was afraid of being called “crazy” for asserting themselves.
“I broke up with him. And I knew that when he told the story, I would become a girl crazy. You never want to be labeled as “girl crazy”… He would tell his friends, “oh, broke up with me because I made him tickle. What psychopath”. I had to tell him “no, I broke up with you because I told you something was important to me, and you do not respetaste”. I knew that I would not think that way and I had to accept it. But it sucks, because you want to be understood. But that is the person that I am. I knew that my feelings mattered, but didn’t have the vocabulary to talk about it. I didn’t know how to tell a guy: “This is what I feel. Should you care if you want me to””.
It is a lesson that many could learn: not to let others exceed our limits. Many times the women have to endure uncomfortable situations for fear of being “exaggerated”, “hysterical” or “crazy”, but they are not. If your partner does not listen when you say no, then there is a mutual respect and, according to psychology, it can be the beginning of the end of a relationship.
According to an interview of Huffington PostKimberly Resnick Anderson, a therapist specializing in sex, a partner who ignores or minimize your feelings, small as they seem, can lead to trouble later. “If that man banalizó the feelings of Anna with respect to the tickling, imagine how you could have ignored your limits on money, children, career, sex or family,” he explained, “is a great reminder, especially for women, to ignore that little voice in your head that tells you to “keep the peace””.
Your feelings matter
Learn to be firm and say what we do not like can be difficult, no one likes conflict in a relationship, but not okay that your partner minimize your feelings. Your feelings matter and you must not let anyone make you feel as if they were insignificant, much less your partner.
“Talk about what you feel is important. Didn’t used to do that because I thought that were not made, that could not make an argument based on my feelings. Then I understood that no one can tell me how I feel. Just because you think that I shouldn’t feel upset by something, does not mean that I am not feeling well. If my feelings matter to you, then this is what needs to change. If my feelings don’t matter, then I need to make a decision about if that means to go forward in any kind of relationship”.
Set your limits and don’t let others to surpass it is important for your self-esteem and may be difficult to do, especially when it comes to things that can be seen as “exaggerated” by others, but as you say Anna Kendrick: no one can tell you how you have to feel. It doesn’t matter what others think, your feelings are worth it.