Psychotherapist and behavioral coach Carol Negreiros explains if you have to “fall” to “get up”
“Don’t judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell and got back up”. This famous statement, made by the 1993 Nobel Peace Prize winner Nelson Mandela, gives us an early idea that failure can be an important key to success. Not only that, Avatar actress Zoe Saldana also once revealed to Britain’s Marie Claire that one of her biggest motivators is failure — the desire to prove she can, and will, inspires her to become one. better version of yourself every day.
Mandela and Saldana are just some of the world-renowned public figures who stressed the importance of “falling” in order to “get up”. But, after all, how does the psychology behind this premise work?
For psychotherapist and behavioral coach Carol Negreiros, failure is giving up on overcoming the phase, as well as giving up on learning and overcoming yourself. “It is the abandonment of purpose”, she opines. “I personally don’t believe in failures and mistakes. I truly believe in results. When it is not possible to obtain the planned result, it means that it is time to realign the route. But this thought goes a lot from the general idea of success and failure, failure and success, because, in the end, it’s just to tell the hero’s story, and I don’t agree with that line of reasoning”, points out the professional.
According to the specialist, we human beings do learn from situations that do not work out or do not go as planned, as we need to reinvent ourselves at that moment — which strengthens human beings by making them think in a different way , non-standard, evaluate results and reflect on their behaviors and ways of achieving the desired. “But never seeing this adverse situation as a failure or failure, but as a mishap in life that served to make our choices more mature, because, in the end, they are the only ones responsible for the consequences we have in life”, says Carol.
Like Zoe Saldana and many other international figures, there are those who “enjoy” “failure” as a “strength” to achieve success. In the psychotherapist’s perception, every human being needs something to steady himself and make new decisions. The way he deals with decisions created in a moment that did not lead him to the expected end result makes him believe he is a failure. However, for her, it’s just a route reframing.
“And the accumulation of situations like these raise our level of awareness and, as we live, we make more assertive choices and reap positive and expected results”
Is it possible to achieve success without having “failed”? What strategies facilitate this process?
Carol Negreiros reiterates that she does not see this type of situation as success or failure, but rather as a decision that led the individual to the desired result at the beginning and, through various processes like this, he builds an assertive path and achieves the expected results . In view of this, a strategy shared by her is to always be aware of today’s choices, as they will be linked to what she will receive tomorrow.
“The ‘giving’ is directly linked to the ‘receiving’, and that is a divine law. Therefore, the best thing you can do is be willing to plant new seeds daily or the same in another soil and in another way”, suggests the professional.
How to identify if I should keep trying or give up?
According to the behavioral trainer, every individual starts a choice with results to be achieved and, when this is not what is expected, it may be necessary to change the expected results or make a new choice. “But I think this process has to be 100% related to your purpose in life!”, She emphasizes.
What are the guidelines to achieve success in what we want so much?
When asked, Carol recommends understanding that you are an inexhaustible source of love that is reaping what you have sown and that, if you want another harvest, you just need to plant another type of seed. “But always do this by being grateful for the fruit that it is possible to reap today, take advantage of it, and start changing immediately, because whoever sows the wind, reaps the storm”, she argues.
Therefore, the expert emphasizes how important it is to pay attention to the seed that is in our hands, the ground in which we intend to plant it, the joy and the method in which we will cultivate it.
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