“Doing things slowly and carefully helps you discover yourself as a person”

Knowing ourselves is the key to resolving conflicts or internal issues and allowing us to achieve psychological well-being. However, this is not always an easy task. David MedinaHakomi, an expert in personal development, presents an assisted self-discovery method – in a group or individually – that focuses on the present moment: “Our goal is to get the person to know how they work, Especially unconscious about everything,” he explains. Medina, whose sessions will take place in Madrid on March 16 and 17.

-What is the Hakomi Method and how exactly is it different from mindfulness?

-Hakomi is a method helped in self-discovery, It was created by an engineer psychologist named Ron Kurtz In which we pay attention to the present moment, to whatever is happening right now and pay particular attention to the body, although we also pay attention to any number of aspects of the experience: thoughts; Emotions; Sensations or emotions.

this is a collaborative work, We help people by doing small experiments or with very simple dynamics things slow down more than usual and with more attention, reveals information about oneself. It is a method that helps you know yourself better.

As you move slower and more carefully, automatic patterns appear and beliefs nuclear He can condition us Or organizing your experience in a certain way. Above all, we are interested in those who exist unconscious, because a large part of our functioning is automatic and unconscious. In that sense, it is not meditation like mindfulness, nor a series of exercises with an established order to reduce stress or relax. Our goal is to make the person aware of how they work, especially anything that may be unconscious.

-One of the pillars is ‘loving presence’, what does that mean?

-This is one of the most beautiful things about the method and it is something that will happen if you relax a little and think about what the ideal person to accompany you In a moment of insecurity, what qualities would that person possess? The qualities mentioned in the sessions are always the same, with very little variation. Wherever I’ve done this, no matter what group, the qualities have always been the same: that he listens to me; who pays attention to me; who accepts me; Who doesn’t judge me; who treats me gently; He is available; He values ​​me; Appreciates me; He is comprehensive; she is kind; there is sympathy; It is respectable. These are the basics. Sometimes humor comes through or they give good advice.

These are the qualities we all want in a person who can support us in critical moments. Knowing this, with the Hakomi method we train ourselves to become that person, not with the idea of ​​always remaining like that, but to be able to present moments like that.

-Can these qualities be trained?

-Yes, of course. In fact, it’s a fundamental part of our training. Focus my attention on finding something about the other person that I can deeply appreciate. Something that inspires me, something that makes me happy to be with her.

There is a theory about the nervous system called the polyvagal theory developed by Stephen Porges that says we are all checking out all the time. Our nervous system is checking whether the conversation is safe or not. We have noticed that when you adopt these qualities, when you sit with another person in this way, it is much easier to control that person’s nervous system. We train ourselves to recognize when we are in that state of appreciation and empathy and how to return to it. It has a very interesting effect because it produces security environment In which people can know themselves, keeping in mind that knowing ourselves can make us vulnerable, especially when we discover things we don’t like about ourselves or things that hurt us or those around us. Can cause pain to people nearby.

-What is the role of the body in law?

-The body is the central part. And this is what makes Hakomi a very effective activity in this matter of self-discovery, because in some way the body is expressing all the time what happens to us, whether at the mental, emotional or feeling level. And he is expressing everything too not conscious, For example, if I am not aware, yet am disbelieving, the body is expressing it in some way or another. Sometimes it’s looking sideways or sometimes it’s crossing your arms.

In Hakomi we use the body as a gateway to explore what is happening and especially what is not conscious at the time.

-How can you help me cope with problems? How can attending a session help?

-I’m not going to change anything about that person. I help you to study yourself and find out how it works, what its automaticities are and especially everything about which it is unconscious. This may give us a better option. For example, if I realize that I am defending myself all the time, without knowing why I believe that anyone could attack me, then there may be moments when I do not have a choice. And have more ability to decide Oh, look, I can’t be around. Defensively, I can nourish myself with the presence of this other person!

In fact, as we get to know ourselves better, we have a greater ability to not choose behaviors that cause us pain or limit us in some way.

-This will help me know how to better choose people who will do good to me.

-completely. The way of paying attention more slowly and more carefully to what is happening in the Hakomi method can tell me what motivates me to approach certain types of people and when I approach those people. So how can I pay attention to know what happens to me? People. And actually, deciding not to get close or knowing how to set boundaries.

-How are the sessions run?

-What we do is to support the person without telling him what it has to do with his life. For example, if it were an individual session with me, I help the person observe themselves and see what things are repeated in their speech, what are the things in the body that they are doing at the moment. And I help them to put a magnifying glass on certain things about themselves or their lives.

When we do it in a group, the fact of doing things more slowly and with more attention than usual, small dynamics can also tell the person how they work with other people. How do I relate when introducing myself? What is my concern with joining a group, large or small? Any aspect of life can be a subject of study, especially relational aspects.

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