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Since, in 1995, Daniel Goleman published the now classic emotional intelligence (Kairos), the ability to recognize one’s own and others’ emotions, has been incorporated into the world of education and business. However, what does emotional intelligence mean in our daily lives? Author Brianna Wiest answers this question in her collection 101 reflections that will change the way you think (Gaia). This young American author, recently published twice in Spain, looks at this question from the opposite end: What are the 10 things that people with high levels of emotional intelligence don’t do?
Assume that what they think and feel matches reality. Each view of the situation being experienced is partial and subjective. The idea that “you are right” and others are wrong is an insurance plan for suffering. As Joseph Nguyen recommends in his book of the same title: Don’t believe everything you think,
Make emotional well-being dependent on external factors. Blaming our unhappiness on others or on circumstances beyond our control leads to disempowering resentment, because we stop taking care of what depends on us and subscribe to passivity and resentment.
Knowing what will make us happy. People with low emotional intelligence assume that what they do not have can give them personal well-being. However, every desire leads to another desire, like a carrot that can never be reached.
We retreat from what we fear. In the words of Brianna Wiest, “Fear means you’re trying to move toward something you love.” Therefore, a person with emotional intelligence will regard fear as a door that invites them to cross it to reach another reality.
Understand that happiness must be permanent. This aspiration is misleading because life is made up of different experiences and we must naturally learn to go through them all, understanding what we are experiencing in relative terms.
Get carried away in thoughts. What is called the “monkey mind” in Buddhism describes the tossing of thoughts about ourselves and others that swirl around in our minds. The first step to freeing ourselves from this slavery is to become aware of our beliefs and separate our identity from them, instead of following the monkeys.
Suppress emotions. Emotional intelligence is not about what we feel, but managing it properly and expressing it in the right way and at the right time to make better decisions.
To think that suffering will end you. According to the author of the above compilation, people with high emotional intelligence “have developed enough awareness and resilience to know that all things, even the worst things, are transitory.”
Try to be friends with everyone. An emotionally intelligent person is empathetic and wants to foster trust and intimacy, but not indiscriminately. He deliberately chooses who he allows into his personal life, even if he is nice to everyone.
Confusing a sad feeling with a sad life. The first is due to a specific and, therefore, temporary experience. There is no need to detail the current situation to plan for the future. According to Wiest, people with true emotional intelligence “allow themselves to have ‘bad days’ because they are fully human.” Not resisting what the present brings us is, in fact, the key to personal peace.
This last point was the foundation of Stoic philosophers such as Seneca, who went so far as to affirm that “There is no one less fortunate than the man whom adversity forgets, because he has no opportunity of testing himself.” Not there.”
These types of thoughts can excite people who are going through bad times, but the Roman thinker born in Córdoba explains that many times we are “more afraid than hurt”, in the sense that we fear catastrophic scenarios. There are victims who will never come to pass. , Seneca comments that to suffer before what is necessary is to suffer more than is necessary, and this would be the best example of emotional intelligence, which deals with good and bad in due time, without anticipating life. Surrendering everything for today, doing only what we need to do with focus and spontaneity, is the wisest way to move through the world.
parable of the blind men and the elephant
– One of the most famous fables in Indian tradition tells that four blind men were trying to investigate an elephant that had come to the village.
-First, as soon as he touched the trunk, he shouted in fear that it was a very big snake. The other, feeling one of the animal’s legs, said it was a tree. The third had his hand on one of his ears, which he identified as a fan. The fourth man, who held a tusk, said that he was touching a spear.
– The discussion continued until a local clairvoyant arrived to explain that everyone was right to some extent, but the error came from taking the whole in part; This prevented him from understanding the whole thing.
– Applied to emotional intelligence, a key is to understand that each person sees reality from his own perspective, conditioned by his own experiences, and therefore absolute truth does not exist.
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